haagendazs-dispersion:

Sanders Sides Characters as John Mulaney Quotes

Thomas: hi, I’m very gay, and I’d like a few dollars.

Thomas: I also don’t want me to be doing what I’m doing.

Patton: aah! One feels like a duck splashing around in all this wet! And when one feels like a duck, one is happy!

Patton: hey, you could pour soup in my lap and I’ll probably apologize to you.

Roman: you have an imagination. You have a movie theatre in your brain, that plays out arguments that YOU win!

Roman: I always thought quicksand was gonna be a much bigger issue than it turned out to be.

Logan: I’ll keep my emotions right here, and then one day, I’ll die.

Logan: first off, no.

Virgil: in terms of like, instant relief, cancelling plans is like heroin.

Virgil: 🎶and life is a fucking nightmare!🎶

Deceit: you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.

Deceit: and I said “no,” you know, like a liar.