In light of some of the things that have come up recently, I’d like to make a post that I think outlines part of the problem I’ve seen with the ‘anxiety’s room’ culture of the fandom.
First of all, none of us are therapists. Seriously, none. Even those of us with some kind of background in psychology or social work or counseling are not here on tumblr in a professional capacity. We’re here just like you are: to have fun, and to unwind.
We cannot be your therapists.
Not because we don’t care–quite the opposite. Because we do.
One of the most important things I learned when getting my psych degree is that therapists have to stay objective if they’re going to help their patients. They cannot be emotionally invested in you. If they are, that clouds their judgment and puts you both at risk. The doctor-patient relationship must stay distant if your therapist is going to give you objective advice and outside input on your situation.
Now. The big blogs? We care about you. And many of us are willing to give you advice– but you need to understand that that advice might well be “get a therapist.”
Let me take a moment to distinguish between therapy and advice.
Advice: You’re questioning your gender or your sexual orientation, and want the perspective of someone you know identifies a certain way.
Therapy: You’re experiencing constant dysphoria and need continuous help.Advice: You don’t know how to come out to your mom and you want to talk to someone who has.
Therapy: You and your mom have a deeply troubled relationship and it needs a good deal of work over time.Advice: You’re scared about giving a presentation or going on an interview.
Therapy: You suffer constant, crippling social anxiety in many situations.Basically: if it can be answered in one or two asks? That’s advice.
But if what you need is constant care and support to work through a deep-seated emotional problem? Then what you may need is therapy.
When someone you’re asking for help tells you that you need therapy, they’re not doing it as a brush off, or because they don’t care. They’re doing it because they know they do not have the tools to really help you (in fact, they might hurt you, and themselves, in trying), and because they care about you, so they know they cannot be objective.
So please, please. Respect each other. If someone tells you that they can’t help, for whatever the reason, respect that. If someone tells you what you need is therapy, please don’t be offended by it. They simply want to guide you to the best help you can get.
And 99 times out of 100, that is not going to be a random non-professional person you met on tumblr. And frankly? If someone on tumblr does say they can be your therapist? That’s a big red flag. Chances are they mean well. But anyone who claims they can give you that kind of help for free is not a professional (believe me–professionals charge) and non-professional help is always a risk.
Please, be smart about how and from whom you seek your help. If what you need is advice, please, come to me! I love giving advice. And by all means, if you need a hug, or just a moment of positivity, I am here for you. Many of us are. Because we love you.
But if what you need is therapy, please seek a therapist. That’s something we cannot be. Because we love you.
Love you guys. Stay safe–all of you.
I am also here if anyone needs advice or a positive word. But, even as a psych student, I cannot be your therapist either.
I can be your friend, and I would love to be!!! Please remember that friendships are balanced. Taking advice where it is offered is fine and wonderful. But please remember to give back to people when you are able. Even if it’s just a random positive message.
People who help others can get overwhelmed and feel like everyone needs them and they’re letting people down if they can’t. If you find that you’re always going to someone for help, check two things:
1. Are they actually comfortable with giving you advice in that moment? (This applies EVERY time, it’s not a one and done thing.)
2. Have you sent them anything that isn’t for help or advice recently? If you haven’t, send them a quick positive message whenever you are able. They will appreciate it, and I assure you they would love to see you doing alright.
There are always people who would love to help you when needed, but they can only help so much. I love the group effort of the anxiety’s room blog!! That is such a wonderful resource.
All that being said, yes you can message me if you need advice or a positive message. I would love to be there for you and help you out as much as I am able. I love all of you!! ❤
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reblogging for this fantastic addition.
If you’re coming to someone as a ‘friend’ but only ever asking for their help or talking about your troubles, I promise you, they are not feeling like a friend. They are feeling like a resource that is being used.
It’s not a great feeling. Please be aware of it.
I am not a big blog by any means (104 followers woohoo!! – but I just reblog and rarely post my own opinions no new stories or art cause I would lose those 104) but I am a licensed clinical social worker and wanted to add that many times the families I see in my job don’t like my opinion/advice. Because I want them to better their situation and often times I am not telling them what they want to hear. I am telling them the hard truth. I am not saying the big blogs are not telling you the truth PLEASE DON’T READ THAT but they may be afraid of telling you the entire hard truth because they don’t want to offend someone. If one of my friends asks for my professional advice (we call it putting my social work hat on) they know they may not like the answer. That is what they risk by asking for my professional opinion.
I say this to say healing and dealing with mental illness and sexual and gender orientation are very hard. Extremely hard. I do know personally as I suffer with anxiety and depression and personally see a therapist. If you find yourself messaging blogs over and over for help please seek a counselor or therapist. I know many of you are not able to because of your home situation but talk tot he counselor at school. Please reach out for help. Even the best of the best of the blogs are only able to do so much.
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reblogging for MORE great additions!
As much as we may want to help, we are in no way qualified to do so. Not for long-term problems.
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