No, Virgil runs around and tries to take the non-food out of the others’ mouths because Virgil is the mom-friend.
“Don’t–don’t eat th–STOP IT!!!”
Key word: tries
excellent additons you two
‘Actual single dad of three Virgil trying his DAMN HARDEST’ is now one of my favorite headcanons XD
Ok but like, deceit purposely making his job harder by encouraging the consumption of non edible things.
“Logan, you know that if you eat food you absorb their nutrients so it only makes sense to abosorb knowledge by eating books.”
“Come on, Patton, the commercials even show it being made into food shapes and stuff. If you make it look like vegetables then you can just consider it eating healthy.”
“You know what they say, Roman, you are what you eat and if you truly want to be artistic and creative and be a piece of art yourself, you know what you have to do. *hands him stacks of famous priceless paintings* Eat up.”
Like saying nonsensical, completely ludicrous statements about why eating these are good for you when it’s anything but.
Okay, so I can honestly picture them trying to eat their respective things.
Logan: Yes, it might be a little tough to bite all the way through, but if he takes it in smaller pieces at a time he should be able to eat the entire book. Or he could just cut up the book. Nobody said he has to bite out of the entire thing like a heathen. Just make sure he gets a little bit of cover in every bite for just enough crunch! to make it objectively delicious.
Patton: This one is by far the easiest. “What? It says that it’s non-toxic! That means it’s safe to eat!” Whenever he eats play-doh, he always makes sure that he has all of the basic food groups to reflect him encouraging Thomas to learn how to cook in “WAY TOO ADULT!” He makes sure that he always eats the vegetables first so he can get to the good stuff without having to worry about all those icky veggies later. (“I swear, they taste different!”) If he wants a little bit of crunch like the others, he can leave out the play-doh for a while so it gets hard, but Pat’s more into the mushy stuff(like his feelings) so crunch isn’t that high on his list of priorities.
Roman: Now Roman here has the potential for the most crunch! out of all of them. Before the 15th century, a lot of art was done on wood panels(In fact, the Mona Lisa is among them). There’s also a lot of art done of metal plates and you can include things like vases and sculptures on the list of art that Roman eats. They would all provide sufficient crunch! and roman likes that very much. (Side note: Roman also eats the frames now. At first he didn’t like them but he has since realized the err of his ways)
Virgil hates them. Ever since Ro discovered them, these porcelain morsels have made his life a living hell. Roman can just stash a handful in his pockets or anywhere for a quick snack and it’s so hard to stop him. These things are everywhere in the mindscape, as they fall out of pockets so often and they’re dropped when Virgil smacks them out of hands and dumps out pockets; they’re under furniture, between couch cushions, hidden in drawers… Anywhere you can think of, there’s at least one there. I mean, there are 100 million of them; you can’t expect them not to be all over the place.
But Ro thinks they’re so tasty. Every bite is a nice crunch of porcelain and he loves the taste of the clay-like paint. Plus they look so edible… How could he not be tempted?
At this point, Virgil’s gone insane. He’s already confiscated and locked up thousands of these sunflower seeds but Roman always has more of them. He doesn’t know how many more there are or how much more he can stand of this. Why do his friends have to have the desire to eat such crazy things? Hell, he doesn’t even have the desire to eat, most of the time. Why is he the only one that thinks they’re crazy for wanting to eat all of these inedible things? Why do they like the crunch so much? Why is he the only sane one in this entire mindscape?!?!!
Deceit pokes his head in- ”Roman I swear if you have more of those damn seeds…” -and Virgil interrupts him before he can even open his mouth. “Don’t get started with me. You’re part of the problem, encouraging them to- No, Patton. Stop making food with it or I’ll take away your Play-Doh. Logan, tell him how- You better get that book out of your mouth right now. This is your fault. I’m going to count to three and if any of you guys have books, Play-Doh, or porcelain on you- See what you make me have to do? -I’m going to get Thomas involved.- One… –Thank you, Patton. Logan you better- Two… -I’m looking right at you, Roman. I know you have more. Logan I’m going to scream.- Thr- Where do you think you’re going, Deceit? If I’m dragging Thomas into this you’re going to get punished too.” Virgil’s eyeshadow has grown three times as dark within the past five seconds. He’s so frustrated that he wants to cry. Deceit throws in a “Well you look like you’re having fun!” before he promptly gets a confiscated book to the face.
Virgil is 50000% done.
Okay but if Roman eats art he needs to eat Mantha’s post bc DAMN
It started out with s shitpost how did it end up like this
It was only a shitpost
It was only a shitpost
It was the best shitpost, so we made it shitpostier.
octoberspirit 